Spreading fear and mayhem in the visual arts.

'Tis The Time To Be An Ungrateful Bastard

Posted in Interna by Suzanne on December 24th, 2006 | BBC Wikipedia

Memoria vincit vanitatem © & feat. Me (when I still had a camera...)

Es gibt ein Bild von Klee, das Angelus Novus heißt.

Ein Engel ist darauf dargestellt, der aussieht, als wäre er im Begriff, sich von etwas zu entfernen, worauf er starrt.
Seine Augen sind aufgerissen, sein Mund steht offen und seine Flügel sind ausgespannt.

Der Engel der Geschichte muß so aussehen. Er hat das Antlitz der Vergangenheit zugewendet.

Wo eine Kette von Begebenheiten vor uns erscheint, da sieht er eine einzige Katastrophe, die unablässig Trümmer auf Trümmer häuft und sie ihm vor die Füße schleudert.

Er möchte wohl verweilen, die Toten wecken und das Zerschlagene zusammenfügen.
Aber ein Sturm weht vom Paradiese her, der sich in seinen Flügeln verfangen hat und so stark ist, daß der Engel sie nicht mehr schließen kann.

Dieser Sturm treibt ihn unaufhaltsam in die Zukunft, der er den Rücken kehrt, während der Trümmerhaufen vor ihm zum Himmel wächst.

Das, was wir den Fortschritt nennen, ist dieser Sturm.

(Der Engel der Geschichte by Walter Benjamin in: Gesammelte Schriften. Band I/2. S. 697f)


If Christmas presents/cards are an indicator of one's popularitas, I finally hit rock bottom.

I guess that at the end of the day, we all get what we deserve - which in my case is obviously this: Nada.

A year ago, this would have upset me, but I lived through quite a lot of disappointments in the past year, so in the end, it's just realistic that I don't get anything.

Being a realist, I also removed the PayPal button and the whole Support Wurzeltod section. In a society where no-one feels the urge to discover (let alone return) favours anymore, it's become utterly anachronistic and naïve of me to believe I'd get something in return. I first thought it would be a good alternative to ads and a subtle way to get parts of the cost for my bandwidth and web hosting covered. But since that damn button hasn't been activated in the past 12 months, I can only assume that in the past year, visitors haven't discovered anything on this site worth paying a few cents for. Call me a materialist, but it's my 3rd year in unemployment (N.B.: I've never received any kind of financial unemployment benefit during this time, Adrienne)...

I'm completely aware that this all sounds terribly ungrateful and that I'm supposed to be thankful for all I've got - which is more than the vast majority of this world's population has - but hell, I had enough of gratefulness. It has brought me nothing but trouble - nor has my generosity ever brought me any form of recognition in this society.

I need to stop doing everything in life for free just to make others happy. I need to become less generous. I need to take myself into consideration more. But most of all, I need to realise that I'm living in a Gustave Flaubert novel and not in a Jane Austen romance. This might be the hardest bit for me to learn yet.

I also need to remember that at my age, certain individuals had already conquered and/or slain half the planet.

For all the above reasons, I decided to cancel Christmas and spend the day with that one person I like best, who never bores me and never gives me a hard time: Me. I'll order a pizza with extra mozzarella, smoke a cigarette in the bathtub and watch sumo. 'Cause I can.

I know that in a few hours, probably even minutes, I'll get the urge to delete this post because it's been written in affectu and because I'll soon feel ashamed again for my blatant ungratefulness. But I won't delete it. I won't censor myself. It shall forever be an account of how I felt on Christmas Eve anno 2006: Not very well.

I wish myself a merry Christmas and a happy New Year. May my dreams come true.

P.S.: Thanks to the MTV Germany Noise team for kindly providing the soundtrack and visuals to the most rocking Christmas in history. Sabotage, Black Hole Sun, Under The Bridge and Smells Like Teen Spirit in one show? Hell yes!

My pizza got cold.

I want my pony.

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13 comments to " 'Tis The Time To Be An Ungrateful Bastard "

  1. Gravatar

    Kate O'Brien says:

    Trust me, you're not the only one feeling like crud right now.

    December 24th, 2006 at 3:58 pm

  2. Gravatar

    Suzanne says:

    You know what, my dear Kate? I think we should celebrate an anti-Christmas together next year. We will give each other only the most expensive and most decadent presents. We will meet for the anti-Christmas in mid-distance between Lucerne-Brisbane - which, after my extensive research, would be somewhere between Sri Lanka and the Maledives. Weeeeee!

    P.S.: I love your new splash site design!

    December 24th, 2006 at 5:03 pm

  3. Gravatar

    devon says:

    merry christmas, s!

    i stumbled across your page over a year ago and still check it. through it, i'm constantly being exposed to new artists, many of whom i adore and revisit. whereas my enthusiasm for other sites are constantly waning, your's has always been a favorite. granted, this doesn't help your crisis of giving vs receiving, but i figured this was the time to say thank you.

    thanks for having me like you based solely on your tastes.

    xoxo, and love like a younger sister,

    ps- cyber-pony, yours to keep. enjoy this time of year, but not too much more than any other.

    December 25th, 2006 at 3:14 am

  4. Gravatar

    Suzanne says:

    .. and a merry Christmas to you too, my dear Devon. Thank you very much for your words. It means a lot to me that you took the time to write me these lines. I wish you all the best for MMVII.

    December 25th, 2006 at 3:24 am

  5. Gravatar

    kid37 says:

    Ein wunderschönes, entspanntes Weihnachtsfest wünsch' ich dir. Und halte immer das Kinn hoch, wenn du im Wasser liegst! (Und über die deutliche Mahnung und Ermahnung denke ich auch noch nach.)

    December 25th, 2006 at 7:53 pm

  6. Gravatar

    elizabeth bennet says:

    ... nein, nein, nein, so schnell geht das nicht, meine teuerste! und mein geschenklein wird dich noch rechtzeitig daran erinnern: DASS WIR HIER IMMER NOCH JANE AUSTEN SIND und dass flaubert, nun ja, nur selten ist! kein veronal für dich, aber später dann etwas zum anfassen, ähhm... auspacken mein ich. nimm dies kleines commentchen mit nach... plymouth? und wisse, dass wenn ich gewusst hätte, dass du... ich hätte die pferde... ich hätte eine ganze flasche ... ich wäre ins rural-büttenen gekommen, ganz sicher.
    ein besticktes taschentuch tupft dir die letzten tränen aus den apfelbäckchen und küsst dich behutsam auf den lydia-b.-mund,
    immer mit dir, auch jetzt und mit ganz lieben grüssen,
    deine nora-eliza-bennet

    December 27th, 2006 at 11:01 pm

  7. Gravatar

    nora says:

    ... so kurz vor jahresende habe ich deine site mal in der deutschen übersetzung gelesen, das ist ja total abgefahren! uiuiui, da gibt es aber noch viel zu tun für die computer-linguisten. mich erinnert, was da raus kommt, stark an unsere latein- übersetzungen bei herrn bieri!
    liebe susette, alles gute im neuen jahr!
    mach's gut und bis bald

    December 31st, 2006 at 4:18 pm

  8. Gravatar

    Adrienne says:

    i just stumbled over this and think you really hit rock bottom if you expect people to pay for a blog. and as far a unemployement goes: don't quit your day job is what they say. expecting to make money from a blog and then complaining about not getting it and being unemployed is a huge insult to people out there who actually work, and struggle with money. i am in the music business and worked hard for what i've gotten, day jobs included. I'm always amazed when people assume they should be paid for their narcissism. there are a million blogs, and thousands with naked women. This one is not special.

    January 2nd, 2007 at 8:10 am

  9. Gravatar

    Suzanne says:

    Dear Adrienne

    It appears like you didn't take enough time to read my post properly. Also, you sound very bitter. If you have a problem with my semi-nude self-portraits, just don't look at them.

    À propos unemployment: I didn't quit my job, I was made redundant due to an extreme downsizing of the company I worked for. 95% of staff lost their job and believe me, I've tried very hard to get a job ever since. But the Swiss job market is simply not as liberal as the American one and as an art historian, one can be very glad to find anything at all. Moreoever, I've never asked the state for any kind of unemployment support, i.e. I've been coming up for myself over these past years. You want to know how? Not because my "narcissism" (as you like to call it without knowing me) pays out so well, but because I worked terribly hard as a legal secretary a few years ago and earned a lot of money.

    Let me tell you this, Adrienne: Before you start judging people and their lifestyle, please at least try to find out more about them first. What you wrote above makes you look like an embittered woman who gets a kick out of playing Freud and feels empowered when she can judge complete strangers on the web without revealing her own identity.

    Let us face the truth: You obviously don't know me nor what I've achieved in life - and I don't know anything about your achievements.

    I made it clear that the above blog entry was a very moody and personal post. But you obviously couldn't be bothered to read to the end nor to discover the self-criticising title of my post because you already had a stable opinion about me in your mind.

    Next time you should maybe activate your tolerance button before submitting a comment.

    January 2nd, 2007 at 3:37 pm

  10. Gravatar

    Suzanne G. - Giving Taste A Bad Name Since Kindergarten says:

    [...] [...]

    January 2nd, 2007 at 3:40 pm

  11. Gravatar

    peacay says:

    I guess if the choice is: A.Have something for free or B.Pay for it if you feel like it, then obviously virtually everyone is going to take option A. That's not rocket science.

    The only alternatives, if one wants any $$ are adverts, pay/registration or different levels of access (basically, pay/reg with freebies as well). Such things need a critical mass before they are viable (except for ads). Or a shoppe I guess..

    In these days of greasemonkey and adblock I think it's less of an 'affront' to have some adverts - not trying to talk you into it at all, I'm just sayin' that the general attitude out there is a little different than it was once.

    Adrienne, you are a rude and selfrighteous ignoramus.

    Best wishes for the New Year Ms G!

    January 4th, 2007 at 11:24 am

  12. Gravatar

    kid37 says:

    It leaves me sad that people who admit to having just "stumbled in" complain about the place they've just entered and yell at the owner. You wouldn't do that when visiting a pub for the first time, would you?

    Suzanne doesn't make a lot of personal remarks - judging her blog by "personal blog"-standards. And this is of course a very special blog - with a lot of energy and love put into it. A place where one can find information, links and a personal view on art you don't find that often on the internet.

    We are leeching from this energy, that's what we do as regular visitors. I didn't understand Suzanne's post as "begging" at all - but in a way of Give-and-Take, I think it's fair to at least think about our share: At least we can say "thank you" in some form or other.

    January 7th, 2007 at 3:36 am

  13. Gravatar

    Suzanne says:

    Thanks for all your kind words that encourage me to remain the ungrateful bastard that I am, Elizabeth 'Nora' Bennet, peacay and especially Kid37.

    I wish you three all the best in 2k7.

    Oh, and I reserved a couple of box seats in WurzelHeaven® for you too. ;)

    @Elizabeth 'Nora' Bennet: Ich gedenke hier in Rural-Büttenen in Bälde einen kleinen Maskenball zu veranstalten. Wer weiss, vielleicht schon anlässlich meines Wiegenfestes. Natürlich sind Sie und all Ihre bezaubernden Schwestern (wieviele waren's gleich noch mal?...) herzlich eingeladen. Sowieso sind Sie mir hier jederzeit herzlichst willkommen. Mit oder ohne Marmortorte.

    @Peacay: What happened to your adorable blog, monsieur? I get a 500 error whenever I try to access it. :cry:

    January 9th, 2007 at 6:01 pm

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