Spreading fear and mayhem in the visual arts.

Schulmädchenreport

Posted in Interna, Moving Images by Suzanne on February 9th, 2007 | BBC Wikipedia


Image courtesy of Vintage Photography - animation by Suzanne G.

Where I've been, you ask? Well, I've been hibernating with a couple of sans-papier bears in my hidden forest cave - wrapped in a warm blanket made of dead leaves, pine needles and earth. Hiding, covering, trembling, and crawling about. And even though it was all a really relaxing new-ageish experience, our WiFi connection was just too weak and I decided to make my way through the wild forest and return to the city. So here I am - feeling neither home nor abandoned, neither warm nor cold.

I've been hiding because I didn't want to be seen. Not with this ever-aging shell that we jokingly refer to as a "temple". Not with these eyes that get more and more languid. Not with these thoughts that have become the never-ending starless night before a doomed battle. And not with these tears that taste of nostalgia and defeat.

After 6 years at Alma Mater Basiliensis, I handed in my exmatriculation request. I'll leave without a degree. Not even a B.A.. Nothing. I'm that rotten little underdeveloped fetus that made your womb ache with every step you took in the Ivory Tower, Mater, that ate from your placenta like a hyena only to get more hungry. Never to be born. Well, eat my shorts, Mater.

It's hard when you wake up in the middle of a windless night a few days before your 28th birthday, and realise that all along, during 6 long years, you were trying to fool yourself that there was a place for you reserved in this world only to find that imaginary seat taken.

It's bitter to realise that you are simply not made for a world where the concept of intellectual elitism still exists. It's bitter to realise that you studied Archaeology, Greek, Ancient History & Art History not to master them, but because they mastered you. Because you are a creature so very easily possessed and absorbed by the evanescent beauty of a whispered word, a passing shadow, the contraction of a muscle...

Sometimes I wonder when and where I lost all that faith I once had in myself. I'd love to see it again, my faith, after all these years. Invite it for a drink, smoke a few cigarettes and take it home with me.

P.S._01: I'm looking for a job in London. In a bookshop, a gallery store.. etc. Please email me if you've heard of anything. Thank you.

P.S._02: I recently developed a strange medical condition that I call the E.T. phenomenon. About 7 to 20 times a day, the tactile elevation of my left index finger gets very warm and seems to emit some kind of energetic anti-magnetic field around itself. I only have it in my left hand. Any ideas/interested circus directors?

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16 comments to " Schulmädchenreport "

  1. Gravatar

    ro_G says:

    holy moley. lovely bit of writing though.

    a friend of mine worked for about 3 years in The bookshop in the National Portrait Gallery - msn me if you want details - are you in London at the moment?

    February 9th, 2007 at 2:24 pm

  2. Gravatar

    Thomas Anderson says:

    so you finally decided to cut the cord, pull the plug, bite the bullet? Best of luck. I hope it works out for you and you find something good for yourself.

    Does this mean you're leaving Switzerland for good?

    February 9th, 2007 at 3:31 pm

  3. Gravatar

    dirkhaim says:

    only this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo

    -----
    tinyways

    February 9th, 2007 at 4:20 pm

  4. Gravatar

    alex says:

    i think you're a piece of art yourself and you're the one who needs to be studied...intellectual elitism is a step behind you. love your writing, please don't stop being "very easily possessed and absorbed by the evanescent beauty of a whispered word, a passing shadow, the contraction of a muscle…" this is the essence of your mind, your art! would love to meet you one day and chat...

    February 9th, 2007 at 5:11 pm

  5. Gravatar

    julia says:

    dein prickelnder finger weiß mehr von sehnsucht und vollkommenheit als jede uni dieser welt. vertrau ihm, vertrau dir, und vergiss den rest — so abgedroschen das klingen mag.

    February 9th, 2007 at 5:46 pm

  6. Gravatar

    birdbath says:

    hurdy borshky vor, hip hurdy borshky veee, her borsch meer hirf norf dee hur bork! bork! bork!

    February 11th, 2007 at 3:01 pm

  7. Gravatar

    crazyenglishmf says:

    i feel your pain, i felt that i was destined to be a nurse and a healer of bodies, minds and souls. i had to withdraw the first time because i was more or less drinking myself to death. but i was possessed i had to keep going so i started from scratch the year after. nurse training in the uk not so much moulds but grinds you down till you fit their definitions of a nurse. the second time was swimming in clear blue water till i started to swallow too much and wasnt waving anymore, they left me too it, i had to withdraw a second time. so my dreams were crushed and i felt that my whole life was a wasteground bereft of point or meaning. but you know what?? that isnt the end, you feel wretched and sick and full of dispair but the new you is waiting. like a butterfly reborn and glorious you will emerge from this cocoon they have put you into. conjure new dreams and spread your wings to colour our lives with your wonder.

    February 11th, 2007 at 8:30 pm

  8. Gravatar

    Jen says:

    Write a book, I say. No need to work in a bookshop when you can express youself this beautifully.

    J

    February 12th, 2007 at 5:03 pm

  9. Gravatar

    Barnaba says:

    I hope you find another imaginary seat at the table, thus making my own seem more real.

    February 12th, 2007 at 8:48 pm

  10. Gravatar

    nikkisioux says:

    I wish you luck in wherever your journey takes you from this point. And I hope that you don't cease to discover and share your finds with us.

    February 13th, 2007 at 5:39 am

  11. Gravatar

    Tom says:

    Ok little sister, this CALLS FOR A DRINK, A SMOKE AND A NICE WALK HOME. And there is a nice present from brasil waiting for you here. What about Thursday or Friday? And don't worry about the finger, just keep touchin rusty spoons...

    February 13th, 2007 at 11:33 am

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    kid37 says:

    Miss Wurzeltod, Rettung naht! Beantragen Sie einen Förderkredit, holen Sie diese Bestände in die Schweiz und gründen Sie das Wurzeltod-Museum.

    February 13th, 2007 at 3:57 pm

  13. Gravatar

    Lafave says:

    I agree with Jen. You should write.

    February 13th, 2007 at 11:19 pm

  14. Gravatar

    … piece 0 plastic - the revolution will be blogged … » Blog Archive » ruff linkage . 200707 says:

    [...] Schulmädchenreport - she may drop out of uni without a degree, but give this woman a job as a writer already: “It’s bitter to realise that you are simply not made for a world where the concept of intellectual elitism still exists. It’s bitter to realise that you studied Archaeology, Greek, Ancient History & Art History not to master them, but because they mastered you. Because you are a creature so very easily possessed and absorbed by the evanescent beauty of a whispered word, a passing shadow, the contraction of a muscle…” the muscle bit got me… [...]

    February 17th, 2007 at 7:44 am

  15. Gravatar

    Konrad says:

    Wünsche dir Glück für die Suche eines Jobs in Londen... Würde dich sofort anstellen.
    ET wäre froh gewesen, wenn er so eine reiche Energie in sich getragen hätte. (Meine nicht nur die in deinem Finger) Ich kenne dein ET Syndrom nur zu gut.....
    Gruss und gute Tage...

    March 4th, 2007 at 3:17 pm

  16. Gravatar

    adonis golden says:

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    April 22nd, 2013 at 11:07 am

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